I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
