I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
