never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
