And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's never too late to be topless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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