make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
