I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
