Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
