I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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