I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
