I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
