Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
