forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
