you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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