I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
