Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
