i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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