I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
