Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
