are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
