Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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