the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
