She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
