I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
