Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
