How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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