I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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