You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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