I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize