That reminds me...we need to get swords
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
