Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
