i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
