she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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