We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
