it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize