i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
