if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
