wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
