Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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