At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
