I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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