I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
