i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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