giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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