Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
