ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
