just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
