Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
