I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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