turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Found the puke drawer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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