Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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