the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
