Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize