As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
