Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
