I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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