what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
