i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
