**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
