I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
