Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
