oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
