This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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