my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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