Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i drank out of a bidet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize