I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize