Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
