So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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