Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
