new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
