Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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