Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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