it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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