How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
