I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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