i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
