Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
