Kiss
Puke
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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