I heard we made out
I didn't shave. On purpose
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
