We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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