Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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