His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
