You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
