i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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