Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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