all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
