Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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