My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
