rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
