Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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