How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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