i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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