this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
