as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
