it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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