Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
