The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
