It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
