That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
