you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
