I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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