Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
