explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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