How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
