Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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