well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
