3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
