I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
