Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize