shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
