if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
