This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
