My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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