there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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