Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
