In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
